My my my… It took me a couple of very busy weeks to finally push myself at staying at home, doing nothing & continue running again. Very happy that i did all of that I still feel like today has been a blur and my mind can’t really grasp anything yet, but i hope tomorrow will…

I have been thinking & somehow, i got to the point that i not only got tired of myself, but i actually thought; i think too much…. Finally… The thing is that i don’t want to doubt myself. Not my personality or my character treats, nothing at all… I just have to take on a new strategy of how to deal with certain things that i still fail to deal with. For example, i thought, and for a moment i had, found peace with certain persons, such as FS. I accepted her existence and i could deal with it. Now that i’m actually confronted again with her presence, i saw that i couldn’t deal with her. Images popped into my head, images of him choosing her over me, images of me torturing and killing the b*tch, such things… But now i see that i need to deal with it otherwise, because i am going to give myself a stroke if i continue like this. Somehow, talking with her seems the best option, because i tried ignoring it and i can’t. Maybe a talk of girl to girl (and i’m still trying to be nice, coz all kinds of names for her come up in my head) would solve the problem… Or not, all i want is for her to disappear forever of just drop dead… Well oki, maybe just the first one…

And then we have the ultimate problem of him… And after today, being alone again, shows me that i am alone sometimes and that that’s oki… I’m not used to being alone again. I’m not used to sleeping alone again, not like old time that when waking up, i see the person that is the first thought of my day and the last one… I was getting pretty good at trying to push him out of my life and in the past few weeks, i somehow forgot about that… Today is a new day again. Today i discovered my goal again…

Please give me strength…