VIRGIN DREAMS
dreaming outside the boxi LOVE sunday lazyness :D
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: water hmmm
2. Last phone call: with my mommy
3. Last text message: Treesh allowing me another lazy sunday 
4. Last song you listened to: the whole new album of BEP !!!
5. Last time you cried: today… haha sucker for movies
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: ehh yups i guess so..
7. Been cheated on: men… dooohh what do you expect
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: ehh hahaha yeah…
9. Lost someone special : yeah…
10. Been depressed : story of my life
11. Been drunk and threw up: hahaha story of my student life
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. Black
13. White
14. Grey/brownish
THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: Yes
17. Laughed until you *nearly* cried: Yes
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yesssssssssss
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah… b*tches
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list: I consider that a semi-yes
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Almost all of them…
23. How many kids do you want to have: hmmmm at least 2…
24. Do you have any pets: nope, never had, maybe will…
25. Do you want to change your name: NO (my name is speciaaaaallll)
26. What did you do for your last birthday: have dinner & a surprise bday cake & sung to me by the restaurant haha
27. What time did you wake up today: 9.30am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching ugly betty whehehehe
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: ROADTRIP USAAAAAAA
30. Last time you saw your Father: yesterday… so much fun 
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: nothing AT ALL
32. What are you listening to right now: continuing BEP newest album
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah, but he was 4yrs old, so it wasn’t really a conversation
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now: my tumb coz i cut of half the nail and it hurts…
35. Most visited webpage: Facebook (guilty) and email
36. Whats your real name: Hedy Catherina M.
37. Nicknames: Heedje, Deedee, Chick 
38. Relationship Status: semi-single…
39. Zodiac sign?: Virgooooo hahaha so not true anymore
40. Male or female?: Female
41. Elementary?: Paulusschool & Dijsselbloem
42. Middle School?: Huygens Lyceum
43. High school/college?: Huygens Lyceum
44. Hair colour: Black/brownish/reddish ahahaha
45. Long or short: my height/hair/legs/arms are all short… 
46. Height: 158cm
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: you can call it a crush…
48: What do you like about yourself?: a lot & a lot i don’t like… very much drama inside my head haha
49. Piercings: Yeah
50. Tattoos: Yeah
51. Righty or lefty: Righty
FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: when i was 16 or 17
53. First piercing: i was 4 or something…
54. First best friend: Stefan hahahah
55. First sport you joined: gymnastics
56. First vacation: probably Germany… or Indonesia…
58. First concert: 3T hihih such a groupie
RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: thinking about it…
60. Drinking: water
61. Doing: this
62. Listening to: ohh gosh BEP, mentioned it already 3 times now!
63. Waiting on: nothing… LOVE SUNDAYS!
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids?: Yeah, at least 2… had this question already
65. Get Married?: Yeah one day…
66. Career?: account manager or my own clinic… haven’t decided yet…
WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Kisses, but actually both…
69. Shorter or taller: of course the other has to be taller…
70. Older or Young: Hmm prefer older… more wisdom hehehe
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneously romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice stomach… and ass… hahahaha
73. Sensitive or loud: sensitive… but loud is usually more fun
74. Hook-up or relationship: first i hook up, then i get into the relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: hesitant… and trouble maker if i am really confident…
HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: Ehhh… yeah
77. Drank hard liquor: Ehh… yeah
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Not yet…
79. Sex on first date: Ehh… yeah
82. Broken someone’s heart ?: i guess sow…
83. Turned someone down: Yeah…
84. Cried when someone died: Yeah…
85. Fallen for a friend?: Yeah… this was all in the past ppl!
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: sometimes
87. Miracles: have to…
88. Love at first sight: used to, but not so sure anymore now…
89. Heaven: yes
90. Santa Claus: want to, but at 24yro you can’t believe in them if you’re the one buying the presents…
91. Kiss on the first date: yeah… so sweeeettt
92. Angels: yes
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: didn’t really called them bf’s though…
95. Did you sing today?: very false
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: technically no…
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: maybe 5 years back…
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: during my holiday in Indonesia
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: i think i passed that phase already…
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: on my blog woohoo…
found my goal
My my my… It took me a couple of very busy weeks to finally push myself at staying at home, doing nothing & continue running again. Very happy that i did all of that I still feel like today has been a blur and my mind can’t really grasp anything yet, but i hope tomorrow will…
I have been thinking & somehow, i got to the point that i not only got tired of myself, but i actually thought; i think too much…. Finally… The thing is that i don’t want to doubt myself. Not my personality or my character treats, nothing at all… I just have to take on a new strategy of how to deal with certain things that i still fail to deal with. For example, i thought, and for a moment i had, found peace with certain persons, such as FS. I accepted her existence and i could deal with it. Now that i’m actually confronted again with her presence, i saw that i couldn’t deal with her. Images popped into my head, images of him choosing her over me, images of me torturing and killing the b*tch, such things… But now i see that i need to deal with it otherwise, because i am going to give myself a stroke if i continue like this. Somehow, talking with her seems the best option, because i tried ignoring it and i can’t. Maybe a talk of girl to girl (and i’m still trying to be nice, coz all kinds of names for her come up in my head) would solve the problem… Or not, all i want is for her to disappear forever of just drop dead… Well oki, maybe just the first one…
And then we have the ultimate problem of him… And after today, being alone again, shows me that i am alone sometimes and that that’s oki… I’m not used to being alone again. I’m not used to sleeping alone again, not like old time that when waking up, i see the person that is the first thought of my day and the last one… I was getting pretty good at trying to push him out of my life and in the past few weeks, i somehow forgot about that… Today is a new day again. Today i discovered my goal again…
Please give me strength…
nothing much
Yesterday a semi-bad day… First i couldn’t get any tickets for the Muse concert in november… Second i got frustrated again that i’m still living at home in a ‘box’, which i sometimes love, but yesterday my hate-mood came up… And third, i got mad, disappointed and sad of the fact that another week went by without any attention & appreciation of my being… And yesterday somehow i got reminded of this again. I don’t need that anymore, but just sometimes it gets to me… And then nothing really matters anymore…
And today, i’m licking my wounds again, the ones that i tored up myself yesterday and hoping it heals soon…
additional sleep
from 8.30pm to 6.15am… jooooyyy…
actually very fresh @ the office & happy that i’m here… it’s just all women… and some of them like to nag nag nag the whole time about work, the office, COLLEAGUES at 8.30am… maybe i need to go out for a smoke to escape this old women’s club
gud gud week
you know what annoying is… ppl who talk to themselves and at the same time expect you to join their little conversation and usually, the answer they expect would be of a very low, pre-school level… psychos… my office has a few of them and it’s annoying…
especially when i’m tired, busy as hell and still 30min left for today…
you know what is refreshing… not seeing certain ppl ‘appear’ anymore anywhere… and after a while, all you can do is laugh about everything that happens to them & think; ‘thank gawd that that’s out of my life..’
very refreshing and less stressful…
it’s like the dalai lama said: when ppl are angry and shout at you, you shouldn’t let angry thoughts cross your mind, but you should take a step back, drop your emotions and think: ‘that person has a loud voice’…
true, i drop the persons, because i know i can’t yet drop my emotions completely. so i choose the semi-easy road. easy, because my emotions decrease and hard, because some ppl i actually like, but coz of my circumstances, can’t face anymore… so yeah, semi-easy…
and you know what: i actually enjoyed staying over at G’s place for the past 2 nights, very relaxing and able to take off my mind of certain things… and it kept me busy and very tired and late of nite, but still nice… and yesterday hanging a bit with some ppl i actually barely talk to was also very nice… very surprising… very nice… funny is that it felt like weekend… more spice in my life haha…
now hoping the rest of the week will be just as good
